I do not get teen love
by DisneyMinnie
Summary: "Big Time Returns" according to Katie's POV. Katie helps Logan get back together with Camille and keeps urging him to make the first move. Lomille. Idea came to me at work. Part of BTR Valentines Challenge by BigTimeRush-BTR and friends.


_Happy Valentine's Day! I'm back with my entry to the BTR Valentine's Day challenge by BigTimeRush-BTR and friends! Yay! M first FF challenge!_

_Note: all dialogue is from the episode. Everything that I'm describing comes directly from the episode._

* * *

Big Time Rush, my brother's band, just finished their second world tour. They were due back any minute. I'm sitting at the peninsula of our apartment when the boys come rushing in. Mom's in the kitchen doing the dishes.

Kendall steps forward and asks "What is going on around here?" I stand up from the peninsula as Logan starts putting on hockey gear that's near the door.

"One, you're famous now! And two, I'm jealous that Bitters thought of the Big Time Experience before I did." I cross my arms, annoyed. Mom just rolls her eyes.

"And three, welcome home hug!" She lifts her arms out with a bit too much enthusiasm. Kendall reluctantly goes over and hugs her. I try not to be touched by the moment.

Logan steps forward, putting on more hockey gear. "And Camille will be crashing down the door any second for her welcome home tackle and this year, I'm gonna let her."

"Wait, so you wanna go out with Camille again?" James asks, confused.

Logan just looks up. "Yup!" He puts on chest protection. "But I'm going to let her make the first move, thus protecting myself from the dating disadvantage of being the pursuer instead of being the pursuee" He puts on gloves. "It's love science."

Mom smiles with her teeth, apparently proud that he's finally doing something with his on-again-off-again relationship. "It's something." He jumps and faces the door, waiting to be tackled by the resident method actress of the Palm Woods, his eyes closed. Carlos, the one closest to the door, not-so-discretely glances at the door. Then the rest of us glance as well. Logan pops one eye open, clearly disappointed.

"Huh, well. She must've forgotten what time we were arriving so a little knock on her door might help remind her." He makes the knocking motion in the air. I look at him confused.

"But if you knock on her door, isn't that you making the first move?" He narrows his eyes in my direction.

"Don't question love science!" He marches out the door, determination written all over his face. Carlos opens the door for him, not wanting to get in his way. The rest of us watch in amusement.

Then we hear Bitters drive his stupid Big Time Experience cart through the hallway. Seriously, the guy is the hotel manager and he's allowed to drive a golf cart anywhere he wants. "And there's Logan now." I snap my fingers, still jealous of Bitters.

Carlos turns around and faces the rest of us. "Speaking of love, now that BTR is famous and has a top 10 hit, the Jennifers would totally date me" He starts taking off his grey sweatshirt.

Mom looks skeptically at him. "Isn't that kinda shallow?"

"Yeah…" he nods his head, seeming to agree with her. Then out of nowhere, "bye!" He speeds out the door like a roadrunner.

James walks around the kitchen. "Huh. With Carlos pursuing the Jenns, that leaves me with sole dibs on the love of my life, Lucy." Kendall lifts his eyebrows.

"Lucy is the love of your life?" He questions his friend and fellow band member.

"Well, she's smart and hot, so yeah!" Guys like James can be so superficial sometimes.

Kendall interrupted my thoughts. "What would you say if I told you that she winked at me before we left the tour, when you were sitting by the pool?" Wait, what?

James narrowed his eyes toward my brother. "I would say she probably had something in her eye and didn't wink at you" I sense some jealousy!

"Okay sweetie, let's go." Mom started to urge me to leave but I was waiting for some drama!

"But I think they're gonna fight!" Mom drags me away from the boys, much to my disappointment.

* * *

I can't believe that Logan talked me into helping him. I'm on the balcony of our apartment holding a giant reflector while Logan is on a pool chair, in his swimming trunks and putting on some oil.

"Now!" He leans back and I turn the reflector so that there's a weird spotlight on his body.

"Just make the first move," I say into my walkie talkie. Logan picks up his walkie talkie, angrily.

"Katie, you know nothing of teen love. Now, Camille's coming to the pool to read some scripts but instead she's going to be tacking me" I roll my eyes. Boys are stupid. I turn inside for a minute.

I come back outside just to see Camille run into the lobby with her scripts in front of her face. Interesting….

"Cam just walkie talkied to someone and then left," I tell him into my walkie talkie.

"Someone told her to leave me?" He stood up. "I just wanna be tackled!" Man, does he sound desperate.

Then Bitters had great timing and drove up in his golf cart. "Okay everyone. Now would be a great time to tackle glowing Logan!"

* * *

"For the last time, I don't want to date Lucy. But Lucy thinks we should take girls off the dibs rule and maybe she's right."

James looks at my brother, skeptically. "Oh yeah. And then you can tell her how amazing she is to win her love. Plus you need all four members present to remove a dibulation." He gestures to where the four boys signed the stupid thing.

I decided to add my own comment. "He's right. I was there when you signed that stupid thing." Kendall and I were eating a late lunch of a sandwich and chips.

Suddenly we hear Bitters' voice. How did he get in our apartment without us knowing? "As you can see, Kendall and James are fighting over a girl. And if you all look left, this is the time Mom usually exits the bathroom."

"Bitters!" Mom exits the bathroom (how did he know?!) and grabs a pan from the kitchen. Go mom!

"And this is the part of the tour where we leave very quickly! Go!" Mom throws the pan missing the manager by a few inches.

Logan enters with a shirt that says "tackle", a fishing rod, a football, a toolbelt, and some tool box. Sigh.

"Katie! Let's go!" He gestures towards the door with his head.

"No. I don't understand teen love, remember?" I really didn't want to do this.

"We have to find out who's coaching Camille and meddling with my love science." Man, the guy sounded desperate. "Now grab a measuring cup and let's go."

"No" I'm not sure how he did it, but he persuaded me to do it. The next thing I know, I'm in front of Camille's door. The girl had answered the door pretty quickly after I knocked. "Can I trouble you with a cup of sugar?" I forcibly bring the measuring cup towards the brunette.

"Okay, sure." She grabs the measuring cup. She turns to leave while I could hear Logan whistling behind me. He had wanted it for him to just be 'passing by.' I can't believe he talked me into this.

He 'stops by' our encounter. Geez. Could he be more obvious? "Oh, hello. What's going on?" I could tell he was bringing out all his charm. Seriously, dude?

"Logan, what are you doing?" She seemed genuinely curious, though I could tell she was trying hard not to tackle him.

"Oh, you know. I'm just gonna **_tackle_** some chores around the Crib. Maybe play some **_tackle_** football. And after that, maybe do some fishing, with a **_tackle_** box." He played it off like it was no big deal. The guy was seriously trying too hard. Though I did see Camille get affected each time he said 'tackle.' I guess his plan was kinda working. "Well, I'll see you guys later." He puffs his chest. "**_Tackle_**." He leaves. Camille looks where he left with a longing look on her face.

"You know what, forget about the sugar" I grab the measuring cup from the other girl's hand and run down the hall, where Logan is squatting and waiting. He goes through the channels on the walkie talkie before we find the channel that Camille's using.

"I'm telling you. He's too cute. I don't know how much more of this I can take!" We wait in anticipation for the person on the other side to respond.

"Think about boogers hangin' out of his nose and kinda danglin' in the wind!" So it was Buddha Bob?! Logan angrily shuts off the signal.

Logan turns off the walkie talkie. "Buddha Bob is stopping our tackles of love?!" He stands up. "Well, not for long!" He storms away.

* * *

I follow Logan to Palm Woods Park, where we see our target. Boy, can the guy walk fast. He approaches Buddha Bob with determination.

"Why are you telling Camille to avoid me? Huh? I want some answers now!" I finally make it to his side.

"Well clearly you have commitment issues and you'll never be a steady boyfriend til you conquer your insecurity and fear of rejection" He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world

"Not those answers!" Logan exclaims.

Camille appears behind Logan. "Logan? Is that true?"

He sighs and faces his on-again-off-again girlfriend. "What's true is every time I come back from a long trip, you tackle me and this time, you didn't."

"That's because this time, I want things to be different."

"Why don't you tackle each other at the same time? That way you can both make the first move," I suggested. The couple laughs like it's the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"Tackle each other at the same time?" Camille questions once she composes herself.

"Katie, you've proven once again that you know nothing of teen love," Logan adds.

A "ha!" escapes Camille's lips.

Buddha Bob decided to join in the conversation. "That's not a terrible idea."

I could see the realization on both their faces that yes, it wasn't a bad idea. Before I knew it, they were both on opposite sides of the park and running towards each other, their arms out, ready to embrace each other. It looked like something out of a romance film mom likes watching. It even looked like they were running in slow motion. Then they started full on sprinting towards each other, like it was some sort of race to see who would tackle the other first. Buddha Bob and I were just looking between the two crazy teens.

Then they bumped into each other and fell. That didn't look pretty. They both groaned in pain, Logan had his hand on his forehead and Camille's hand was near her stomach. Then their hands somehow found the other's and started to interlace. Buddha Bob and I stood over the fallen couple.

"He's right. I do not get teen love." Buddha Bob just groaned.

Out of nowhere, Carlos comes through on a horse. "Hey guys!" Could this day get any weirder?

* * *

_I tried. _


End file.
